Considering the similarities between the call to ministry and the call to marriage (and they certainly have not been exhausted here), one might conclude that the emerging of the two would not be a difficult process. However, to come to such conclusions would be naïve. The truth to the matter is—pastoral marriages are in monumental trouble. George Barna identified that, as hard as it may be to believe, professing Christians have virtually the same divorce rate (50+ percent) as those outside the church (The Barna Research Group, Ltd., August 6, 2001, Survey on Divorce, Marriage, and Remarriage). And, according to a Hartford Seminary study of 4,440 people from 10 Protestant denominations, those in ministry are equally likely to have their marriage end in divorce as general church members (Ministries Today, Sept/Oct 1995). This is shocking news! Of all the people you would expect to be faithful in safeguarding their vows and to fight for their marriages, Christians in pastoral ministry should be at the top of the list.

To believe that your marriage is somehow immune to divorce because you are a Christian couple in ministry is naïve; you are not insulated from these challenges. As a matter of fact, you are probably more susceptible to them. The Scriptures are clear in reminding us that we have a prowling enemy in our midst that is watching diligently for the right opportunity to pounce (1 Peter 5:8). The enemy’s strategies are fierce and it is imperative that you safeguard that which you should hold as sacred—your relationship with your spouse. In Proverbs 27:12, the wisest of the wise counsels: "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." I believe that this is a particularly appropriate Scripture passage for marriage. If spouses are wise, they will take deliberate steps to prevent problems and to build into their marriage strategies that will help them get through troubled times and stay together.

One key area that is most often identified as the beginning of marital conflict is the breakdown of communication. In the busyness of ministry we often neglect effective communication with our spouses; and, without good communication, relationships can start corroding. The following are some practical suggestions on how to safeguard, rebuild, and maintain effective communication as partners in ministry.

Business on Wednesdays (or whatever day works best for you). Set aside 90 minutes each week to discuss business with your spouse. Choose a setting, away from home, where you won’t be distracted (i.e. quiet table at a restaurant, secluded spot at the park). In this time give your complete attention to your spouse. Talk about your schedules, people you want to spend time with, struggles; allow your spouse to share ideas, concerns, and input regarding ministry, etc.

Friday night dates. The objective—to have FUN.

Dislocation. Every three months go away for 24-48 hrs as a couple for your own retreat from stress and others (i.e. to a hotel in a different community) for the purpose of combining business and fun. On the first evening enjoy a nice supper and fun/romantic time together. The next morning spend 2-3 hours, individually, for reflection and prayer; then come together to discuss goals and desires for the upcoming quarter, prioritizing and evaluating your objectives. This gives you the opportunity to step out (dislocate) from your situation and look at things objectively.

You may look at these suggestions and say, “Get real, I don’t have time for this. I’m too busy!” If this is your response, then perhaps you need to ask for your spouse’s opinion. If you want to safeguard and get the most out of your marriage and ministry; if you want the strength that comes from two people intertwining their gifts and abilities together, then you must make it a priority to build bridges of communication. If you are wise, you will take deliberate steps to prevent problems and to build into your marriage strategies that will help you get through troubled times and stay together. Remember King Solomon’s word’s: "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it."

If you would like to respond to this article you may contact Dan at danrodgerson@eastlink.ca or 902-444-HELP (4357).