“Shame on you!”

How many times have you heard those words, “shame on you!” echo in your head? If you are a woman, probably more times than you want to admit. Our smile tells the world everything is fine. On the inside, however, we are like the psalmist who cried out, “My dishonor is before me all day, and shame has covered my face.” Psalms 44:15.

We carry the shame of our past around with us like a bag full of stones. It weighs us down. We know that we are supposed to bury the past but the ghosts keep haunting and taunting us. We tell ourselves, “God couldn’t really forgive THAT sin.” or “Sure, He can forgive others but not me. I am too dirty, too soiled…even for Jesus.”

When you think like this, you are living a life that has Satan's stamp of approval. You are living a life of SHAME.

Shame and Guilt are NOT the same emotion.

Emotions are the warning lights on our dashboard of life. When our emotions are in balance, they are healthy. When our emotions are extreme, the red warning light should flash. It means our emotions are in control and not the Holy Spirit. We need to bring our emotions under the truth of God’s word. In addition, we need to understand our emotions so that we can properly fix the problem. When it comes to shame and guilt, we tend to think they are the same emotion. In truth, they are two very different emotions.

What Is Shame?

Shame is a painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness or disgrace. It is the feeling you get when you think people will look down on you because of what you may have experienced or done. Shame has to do with your view of you. Feelings of shame strip us of our dignity.

What Is Guilt?

Guilt is a remorseful awareness of having done something wrong. Guilt causes a desire to make amends for the hurt you might have caused. Guilt is your view of what you do! We should feel guilt whenever we have done wrong or have sinned. It is the way God designed us. Feeling guilt will cause us to turn to God, repent and ask for forgiveness. Then we should move on, learning from the experience.

Those who are rooted in shame, never get to the “moving on” stage. They mix up their “do” and their “who”.

Guilt says, “I failed”. Shame says, “I am a failure.” Guilt says, “I made a mistake.” Shame says, “I am a mistake.”

We can feel guilt without shame but we cannot feel shame without guilt.

When Does Shame Begin?

At a very tender age, seeds of shame can be planted in our lives. Children do not have the mental capacity to separate the event happening to them from who they are. As a result, children who have experienced abuse will ask themselves, “What did I do to encourage this?” “There must be something wrong with me! I must have done something to cause this to happen!” They link the event with something being wrong with them and as a result carry that shame on into their adult life. They live a life rooted in the lie that they are unworthy and flawed.

When we live in shame, we will never find the purpose God planned for us. Why? We hide our true selves. We conform to what others want us to be rather than being who God created us to be. Deep in our hearts, we do not like who we are!

Yes, I will fail. Failure is a part of life! Failure, however, is an event. It is not who I am! My behavior may need changing from time to time but God created the essence of who I am for a reason.

Pride does not have to be a part of liking who we are. It simply means that we accept ourselves as God’s creation. We are all unique for a reason!

What If I fail?

When we fail or fall into sin, we can avoid living in shame by following three steps. We need to ask for forgiveness with a true heart of remorse, receive it and then live it! I cannot think my sin is too big for God. Not only did He promise to forgive all my sins but to toss them into the sea of forgetfulness! God said He would not remember them (Jer. 31:34). The problem arises when we go fishing in that sea and bring up past sins every time something bad happens to us. Some of us still feel shame over things God has forgiven us for a long time ago.

“I had a miscarriage. God must be punishing me for the abortion I had when I was 18.”

“My young son is ill. God must be punishing me for marrying an unbeliever.”

“I have a flat tire on my car. God must be punishing me for the marijuana I smoked in University.”

NO! God forgives the moment we ask. I, however, have to make the choice to walk on in that forgiveness! I have to choose to believe the cross separates the woman I am today from the woman I was yesterday.

Did you know you have a shame-bearer?

Jesus is our shame-bearer. Jesus paid the price so that we would not have to live lives of shame.

In Bible times when a daughter acted unwisely, her father showed his shame by spitting on her. To have her father spit on her in public was even more humiliating!

As well, in Jesus’ time a man’s beard was his honor. Therefore, men took great care and pride in their beards. It was a grave insult to a man to have even one hair plucked!

At His trial, the soldiers publicly shamed Jesus by plucking out his beard. Then they stripped him, beat him and they spat on him.

Jesus endured, in silence, the stigma of the soldiers’ spittle and having his beard plucked so that we could be free from the emotional shackles of shame. Every day that we walk in shame is like plucking out Jesus’ beard all over again.

We need to decide TODAY to let Jesus bear our shame. We need to separate who we are from what we do. We need to leave the past in the past. Many have found Jesus as savior but too few have found him as their deliverer!

The shackles of shame will be broken! You will be what God intended…a woman of dignity and honor!