“My Name is Stephanie and I struggle with fear.”

Fear is my arch nemesis. Fear overtakes me when I get into the car to take a long road trip, when I board an airplane, every day when I drop my kids off at school and watch them walk off without me.

I even fear things that have not even happened. The “what if” game seems to be my favorite mental game and I can spend hours playing it!

I sometimes lie in bed at night and wonder,
“What if the Lord takes me home? Who would take care of my children?
What if the house catches on fire?
What if I fail as a parent?
What if my husband is unfaithful?
What if my husband dies?
What if… What if… What if…”

There were not enough antacids in the world to relieve the knot that continually lay in the pit of my stomach! The slogan, “No Fear” was not one I lived by!

Someone once said, “Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.”

Tucked away in a far corner of my mind I had a darkroom. It was a secret room. No one knew of its existence! I had developed so many negatives in that little room! I was comfortable there! I had lived with it for so long that it had become like a favorite pair of old slippers. I could not imagine not having that little darkroom!

Then God brought me to a place where I was forced to look down at my ankles and see that I was shackled in that room. I was in bondage! Fear was my prison!


What is fear?

There are countless things people fear - spiders, snakes, thunderstorms, small spaces and death, just to name a few. Researchers tell us that, in fact, we are born with two fears: a fear of loud noises and a fear of falling. All of our others fears are learned over a lifetime.

Fear causes illness, stifles creativity, keeps us from love, destroys families, depletes our energy; it feeds addiction and holds people in bondage.


There are three types of fear.

The first fear is a self-preserving fear, or a healthy fear. Our emotions act as warning lights on the dashboard of life. If they are healthy and normal, then we are okay. However, if our emotions are controlling us and do not line up with the truth of God’s word, then we have a problem that needs addressing.

God gave us a self-preserving fear. He gave us the instinct to run from danger, to protect those we love. How many times have you felt the need to be out of a lane of traffic for some reason or you suddenly felt like you needed to turn off a street? Self-preserving fear is a wise fear and it causes us to take responsibility for others and ourselves. It is what motivates us to teach our children to look both ways before they cross the street or keeps us from walking down dark alleys late at night, alone!
Satan can take something healthy and turn it into strongholds if we allow him. He can take healthy fear and use it against us. Some believe that all fear is a spirit of the enemy. We can see demons behind every bush if we want to or we can be very oblivious to the whole spirit realm. There is not balance in either one of those thoughts. God wants us to have balanced minds.

II Timothy 1: 7 says, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (calm, well-balanced mind).”

The second type of fear is a holy fear. To fear God does not mean that we are terrified that God will blast us with a bolt of lightening if we do something wrong! Our obedience does not come out of an unhealthy fear but comes from our reverence for God. It comes from our reverential trust in God. He has proven himself trustworthy repeatedly in our lives so we are in awe of Him and we obey out off reverence and trust

The third fear is the fear most of us deal with each day: Slavish fear. This fear kills all our expressions of love, blocks communication lines and imprisons victims of abuse, taunts with phobias, controls by manipulation and erodes our confidence and security.

Now wise, self-preserving fear can be slavish fear if we allow it to become obsessive and controlling. It is one thing to take care in washing our hands so not to pass on germs, but it becomes quite another thing if we are like Louis Pasteur. He was reported to have had such an irrational fear of dirt and infection that he refused to shake hands. His wise fear had become a slavish fear.

What is at the root of slavish fear?

Slavish fear has two root problems. Every time we have this fear, it is because (1) our focus is wrong and (2) we are being self-reliant. Every time!

What is sin?

Sin is what separates us from God. It is to miss the mark morally. God says in His word
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” 1 John 1:8
“For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory God.” Romans 3:23
“As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one;” Rom 3:10

All of us miss the mark when it comes to God. Where did that begin? The same place slavish fear got its beginning.

In the Garden of Eden.

In the beginning, only holy fear existed. Then Adam and Eve disobeyed God and a change occurred. Sin entered their lives.

Every night God had come and called Adam. Every night Adam ran to meet and fellowship with God.

This night was different.

When God called him, Adam did not run to meet God. Instead, Adam responded, “I was afraid!” Gen 3:10. Instantly Adam developed an awareness of slavish fear. Therefore, he did what we still do today. He hid from God. He started a cycle of running, hiding, protecting himself.

I was caught up in that cycle! Running, hiding, protecting myself. God was and will always be there: self-reliance keeps us from asking for His help. It also keeps us from doing what He has asked!

God asks us to teach a Sunday school class. “Oh, God, I can’t. I’m afraid!”
God asks us to seek forgiveness from someone we have wronged. “Oh, God, I can’t. I’m afraid!”
God asks us to stay in difficult situations whether at church, home or work. “Oh, God. I can’t. I’m afraid!”

I asked others for advice. I didn’t get the answer I wanted so I moved on until I found someone who would tell me what I wanted to hear or I just decided in my hearts to do what I wanted, knowing it was the opposite of what God wanted.

Then I wondered, “Why am I so confused? Why isn’t anything going right in my life? Why do I have no peace? I started to blame God! I kept blaming God when, all along, He was telling me what I needed to do, but I was refusing to listen!

I had to stop hiding! I had to get out from behind the bush and say, “Here I am God! I am trembling, I am afraid, but I am through hiding! Show me what it is that I need to do and then YOU help me to do it, because it certainly isn’t working my way!”

It was then and only then that I found peace and joy! It will be the same for you.

Your circumstances might still be difficult, but this time GOD is leading you through them! He knows the way. He holds the map! Follow him! Sometimes the Lord calms the storm.

Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms his child! Adam feared abandonment, yet he chose to abandon the one he needed the most. Am I choosing to do the same thing when I refuse to let go off my fear?

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” I John 4:18 That doesn’t say that we have to be perfect, it is telling us that we are made perfect through His love and once we grasp that love…we will not live in fear.

God’s love was the key that unlocked my shackles! Every day I look in my mirror and say, ‘God loves ME! He loves me just as much when I fail as when I have it all together! The Creator of the universe loves ME” I will still feel fear. It is another thing to give in to it!