I recently completed a module on family systems theory as part of a course I was taking on marriage and family. Edwin Friedman, formerly a rabbi and family therapist, is the pioneer in the field of family systems and has produced a seminal work entitled, Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue. The concepts are fascinating and I would invite you to acquire the book for personal, family and vocational growth.

The genius of Friedman, for me, is how he goes beyond simply dealing with the nuclear family in his teaching. He extends his thinking to include the dynamic of the church as a family system and, in particular, how clergy can effectively lead through understanding family systems thinking. When I entered this section of the material I knew for sure Friedman had something good to offer. Let me now share with you what I learned and how each of us can begin now to make application to the vocation we have as leaders in God’s Kingdom work.

One primary concern for Friedman is the need for clergy leaders to stay connected to the church in which they serve. Friedman, formerly a practicing rabbi, shared a particular time in his own ministry when serious conflict began to erupt in the synagogue and, instead of leading, he let go! Instead of keeping it light he allowed things to get serious, which resulted in ecclesiastical chaos and decline. Friedman taught me how dangerous a weakness this can be for many leaders when it comes to their work in the church.

I recall the experience of a colleague in ministry on this point. He was being enticed away from his post to a different leadership responsibility and role in the Kingdom. The decision-making process took several months, which resulted in his current organization “flat-lining.” His experience illustrates Friedman’s principle of the importance of staying connected to one’s post.

As I pondered Friedman’s principle, I began to think about those times in ministry when it is easy for leaders, for me and my colleague, to disconnect. When the organization is declining, we can easily look for “greener pastures” instead of diving back into our own pasture and root out the weeds that are choking the growth. As leaders we are called to lead even when there is conflict and decline. God has given us the responsibility to maintain organizational health; we cannot ultimately delegate that to someone else or hope that some how things will “magically” take care of themselves. Although we hold too much higher goals in our vocation than, metaphorically speaking, extinguishing fires or stopping those nagging dripping faucets, there are those moments when we actually have to accept the short-term assignment as a firefighter or plumber! Or how about those times when the organization is thriving and we think we can take time to disengage ourselves from the work and “coast.” We can stand on the sidelines emotionally by getting too serious instead of remembering the joy we have been given to serve God’s Kingdom through the local church. We can check-out spiritually by not praying against the forces of darkness that want to devour the good work of God. We can even disengage physically, by “getting away” in a restful supine instead of keeping our hand to the plow. Unfortunately, when we re-engage the matter, what we hoped to get away from is right where we left it!

I know some might be thinking right now, “Oh, but you don’t realize what’s going on. Staying engaged is really the furthest thing from my mind right now.” Believe me, I am convinced that these matter supersede a particular personality trait or a current geographical location of service. Instead, they reflect the primary concerns of commitment, responsibility, and as Friedman speaks about, a high level of differentiation (that ability to maintain our values, goals and identity despite the surrounding pressures to conform to others expectations).

In what areas—emotionally, physically, or spiritually—are you tempted to check out instead of staying connected to the organization in which you provide servant leadership? As you identify those areas, and take steps to re-connect, I pray that God will give you a single-minded devotion to the leadership responsibilities that He has given to you.